What Not to do at a Pokemon Conference
by Mister Inconsistent
Summary: When Gary of Pallet Town left his home, bound for the Pokemon Conference, his grandfather wrote for him a list of things that he is not allowed to do while there. But, due to reasons, he never actually had a chance to read this list. Read on to find out what chaos takes place at the Pokemon Conference.
1. So it begins

**This is crack. Seriously, don't take anything in here seriously. On the other hand, it's heck lot of fun to write :D**

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When Gary Oak of Pallet Town left for the Pokemon Conference in Hoenn, it marked the first time that he had been that far from home in the last 3 years or so. Because of this, his grandfather, Professor Oak, stayed up late into the night, and finally, on the morning that his grandson was to set off, he slipped a small note into one of his bags of supplies. And, as Gary mounted his newly - caught rapidash and sped away from his home into the forest, Professor Oak looked out the window of his laboratory and only hoped that his grandson would have the decency to read, and follow through with what he had written the night before...but, it really was a long shot...at best.

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In his room in Ever Grande City, Gary frowned as he pulled a piece of paper from one of his bags.

"I do not recall packing this for the journey," he mumbled to himself. "Gramps must have put it here." His keen, black eyes looked it over as he turned it around in his pale hands. Finally, he unfolded it and prepared to read the contents when a voice called out to him from outside his closed door.

"Gary Oak, I would very much appreciate it if you would come down, the Conference is about to start very soon."

Noticing the voice as being that of Wallace's, the young researcher quickly folded up the piece of paper and put it back in his bag, pushing it underneath his bed. He then ran to the door, and tried not to let his excited expression show as he gladly accepted the champion's invitation.

As the two walked to the dining hall, the thought of simply sitting with so many prominent figures of Pokemon history that he had heard stories of, and of those he had yet to meet, quickly pushed all other thoughts to the back of his mind. Including that of the small scroll.

But, for all those who are curious as to the contents of the scroll, here is the beginning paragraph, written, of course, in the Pokemon Professor's curly handwriting.

**_"I, Gary Oak, will not do these specified actions, or anything close to being these specified actions, while at Ever Grande City, unless given specific instructions to do so by Wallace, or my grandfather, Professor Oak. If I do for some foolish reason choose to without instruction, I will be returned home, stripped of my pokeballs and privileges, and locked in my room until Magikarp learn to fly."_**

The list of "specified actions," is as follows...

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**I'll post the next chapter in a few days!**

**In the meantime I would really appreciate it if you reviewed the story and gave me a few suggestions for later chapters, cheers :D**


	2. I speak for the Pokemon!

_**:D**_

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_**1. I will not pretend that the Pokemon are calling other members of the conference undesirable things.**_

Gary had just finished explaining how it had come for Team Plasma to break into the lab at Pallet Town and escape into Viridian Forest undetected, and before Wallace had a chance to speak, a Gym Leader by the name of Whitney, of Goldenrod City, whispered to Jasmine what she thought no one else could hear, "Of course Pallet Town would have something to do with all of this madness."

Gary jumped up from his chair, his booted feet hitting the ground below loudly. He pointed a finger at the woman in question and yelled out loudly.

"Silence your mouth you- you hairy pig!"

There were shouts of exasperation and disbelief. The shock of one insulting the other so loudly, no matter how bad the aleged insult was, in the Conference of Wallace of all places was so large that Flint (Elite Four) nearly fell from his chair.

Wallace stood up. "Gary! We will not say such things at this Conference!"

Gary looked at him with a blank face and then pointed to a half-awake Burmy a few feet away. "But, I was simply translating for the Pokemon." At this everyone who wasn't already looking at the researcher turned their heads in his direction.

He walked over to the Pokemon that he had pointed at and put one pointed ear to the already startled Burmy. All was silent as he stood there. Then, he removed his ear from the trunk and said, "And now, the Pokemon is saying that Whitney, Gym Leader of Goldrenrod City, is an emotionless rock with similar weight problems as her stupid Miltank."

Whitney jumped up as well and raised a Pokeball in anger as she stomped over to the researcher. She roared, "How dare you!" Gary put a finger up to silence her, and then stepped over to a Wurmple to the right. He put his ear to this one as well, and then looked back at Whitney. "This one says that you smell like a Jynx... oh oh and look like one too, just a lot fatter."

It didn't come as a surprise when Whitney unleashed her equally-angry Miltank and told it to use Rollout on Gary with a roar. Gary dodged as the attack smashed into a tree, taking the top half of it off as well as the Wurmple sitting on it. There were more gasps and Wallace looked ready to have somebody beheaded. But before he could say anything, Gary dropped onto his knees and clutched his chest.

"It is saying, "Nooooo! How could have I been slain by such a foul beast?! I should like to at least have talked to that lovely guy with the pretty hair once more before I was chopped down by that overweight milk-producing donkey!"

Whitney abandoned her Pokeballs altogether and jumped onto the Pallet Town native, knocking them both over and onto the ground. While she attempted to strangle Gary, said researcher called out, "I am Gary Oak, and I speak for the trees!"

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**Please review and leave some suggestions, until next time!**


	3. The Beauty of Gary

**Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later.**

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**_2. I will not cut off Cynthia's hair while she sleeps, because she might be a little bit prettier than me._**

The halls of Ever Grande were dark and quiet, for it was the dead of night, and with much to do and discuss the following morning, all visitors and dwellers had retired for the night. Well, all except one certain Pallet Town native by the name of Gary Oak. This visitor of Hoenn was creeping along the hallway, his back to the wall, looking left and right every now and then. His stealthy feet made no sound at all as he made his way into the room at the end of the hall.

Once he made it to his location, he looked side to side once more, and even up and down for good measure, and then opened the door to the room and slinked inside carefully. Ash made sure to shut the door as quietly as he had opened it, and then looked around at shapes of the furniture that decorated the room. His keen eyes quickly made out the sleeping form on the large canopy bed in the center of the room.

He chuckled evilly and tiptoed over to the bed. There lay Cynthia, Champion of the Sinnoh region. Gary pouted and removed one of his knives and then slowly picked up Cynthia's long, golden locks in one hand. He then sliced the top of her hairline, sending all the rest of her hair tumbling onto the bed.

Gary returned his knife and then walked to the exit.

"That'll teach you to be prettier than me. Wallace, watch out, you're next."

"How do we simply-"

The doors leading to the conference room were thrown open, and a furious lady charged in. No one recongnized her at first, not even her colleagues. This is because her usually long, glorious hair was so short that it barely reached her ears. Her face was red with anger, and in her hands she carried her cut off locks.

Wallace, after have recognized her, stood up and walked over to her. "Cynthia? What on Earth happened to you?"

She was breathing heavily when she replied. "A certain conference member, I would assume, grew to be a bit jealous." But even as she said this, her eyes landed on Gary, who was twirling his own brunette hair around on one finger.

In reply, Ash looked over to where Ash sat and said. "Ash! How could you?! I'm sure that your hair would have grown to that length in due time!" Once he realized that no one was going to believe that Ash cut off Cynthia's hair, he looked to Brock. "Brock! How could you?! Even with her hair cut so horribly, her beauty is still far above your own! It's like comparing a Muk to well...me."

It seemed to sink into Wallace's head what happened and he yelled. "Gary! What is the meaning of this?!"

Gary jumped off of his chair and was running for the exit. "I did what had to be done! Her beauty was threatening my own!"

Many attempted to stop him, but he slipped past them.

"1 - 0 Kantooooooo!"


	4. Ride the Tracey!

**Thanks for the reviews on this story!**

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_**3. I will not attempt to ride Tracey. It matters not if he is known for giving the best piggy-back rides in all of Kanto and Johto.**_

Tracey Sketchit, also of Pallet Town, was beginning to feel just a tad bit awkward. The reason? Well, Gary, who was seated on the other side of the circle, directly in front of him, had been staring at him since the conference had begun. He hadn't noticed at first, being too preoccupied with listening to the many tales and stories being told, but when there had been a lull in the conversation he had happened to look up and what he had seen had caused him to take a quick double-take.

The grandson of the Pokemon Professor had been, and was still, giving him the most intense look that Tracey had ever seen. His black eyes were open wider than should have been possible, and his mouth was open in awe. And, it was more than a little disconcerting.

The Pokemon Watcher shook his head and decided to ignore the researcher for now, and instead focused back in on the conversation. Wallace had just begun to talk, when said researcher raised his hand. Wallace stopped and looked over at Gary, before raising an eyebrow in question.

"Yes, Gary? Is there something that you wish to say?"

Gary nodded seriously and then replied, "I believe that before we discuss anymore issues concerning Team Plasma, Tracey Sketchit should give me a piggy-back ride." He raised his hand once again in an indication that he wasn't done talking. "Because, I heard from a certain little bird that Tracey gives the best piggy-back rides in the entire region of Kanto as well as Johto. And I would rather be a Metapod then miss out on one of those babies and that's saying a lot."

Lance said, "You must have hit your head on the journey here."

An unnamed person snorted and mumbled, "As if he wasn't already crazy."

Gary stood up and pointed to the man. "I will ignore that comment for now." He strolled over to Tracey. "Now then, it will only take a few minutes of your time, dear friend."

Tracey stood up and replied, "Gary...I don't think that this is the right time for-"

Gary ran around the watcher and was jumping up onto his back before he could finish the sentence.

"Gary!"

"Just one ride!"

"GARY OAK!"

"JUST ONE RIDE!"

There was a short tussle, in which Gary managed to kick Tracey in the face, and Tracey ended up with more of Gary's hair in his mouth than was socially acceptable. In the end, the researcher ended up latched onto Tracey's back, with said trainer holding onto both of his legs, so as to ensure that he wouldn't fall of.

The conference watched as Tracey began running around the circle of conference members, going at a slow trot. Gary managed to somehow kick Tracey in the ribs.

"Faster! Faster!"

With a sigh, the man sped up to a run, until he was doing a full on sprint. Suddenly, two more people jumped onto Gary, so that Tracey was now carrying 3 unwanted passengers. Gary, Flint, and Volkner laughed as Tracey slowed down under the added weight.

"Guys..." he warned.

Suddenly, Adler stood up from his chair, and as the Pokemon Professor's assistant passed by in front of him he too jumped.

"Dog pile on Tracey!"

They all fell to the ground, a jumble of limbs. But, not before everyone in close proximity heard the sickening crack that came from Tracey's back breaking.

Gary slowly backed away from the furious trainer. "Um," he said with a serious expession, "I do believe that I left my car on fire. Bye~!"

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**Please review and leave suggestions, they help speed up the chapters.**


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